Work today was lovely. It was. No sarcasm was intended [this time]. For once everything seemed to fall into place. The staff bathroom had paper towels in it, finally. Everyone I interacted with seemed to be on their best manners. It was as relaxing as a work day can get for me… so of course I spent most of it thinking:
“Okay, when will the shoe drop?”
In other words, even when things are going awesome, I am deeply convinced that soon something will ruin it. Will I get in a wreck on my way home? Nope. I got home fine and am here writing this. I even stopped for some authentic Mexican food on the way home. Yummy. The onions didn’t fall on the floor and poison my cats either. I didn’t spill anything on my work clothes. I didn’t even run into that rain they’ve been predicting for my area.
Still waiting for the badness. It’s almost as though the longer I wait and the better the day becomes… the worse the eventual fallout will be. I hate thinking this way!!
Instead of thinking about this for so long, I should just go enjoy something fun. Maybe I will go play Mass Effect since I’m almost to the end. Maybe I should finish my online work training, or complete my Halloween costume?
Oh, and I will caffeinate myself. Nothing goes better with paranoia than a caffeine buzz! HYPER WORRY!
On another note…
I have no idea where that shoe-drop saying comes from. I am not going to look it up and link to what I find, because learning is cool.
The end of my day really make me look insane though. I can’t believe I almost forgot to add this. One of the office ladies came into my area, letting everyone know their duties for the second half of the day, and she says I may need to stay a bit later than usual.
“That’s fine, I always leave that hour open in case I’m needed.”
She then inquires genuinely:
“Why do you work six hours instead of eight?”
To which I reply loudly, abruptly, and awkwardly:
“Because I have a ton of anxiety!” punctuated by a big dumb grin and a double thumbs up.
DOUBLE THUMBS UP
As a follow up, I turned to the Lady I work with most often and go, “I’m one of those people who always looks really calm but NEVER actually is.” I think it’s safe to say my co-workers probably have some strong opinions about my mental health now, and some might be valid. Perhaps I am just too comfortable talking about my issues.